The strange thing about my job is that when I’m late, it’s not because I have a project that’s due, or phone calls to finish, or an unhelpful customer wasting my time. When I’m late leaving work it might be because I had to hang an antibiotic that arrived late, or because I was codingRead more
The whole world is holding its breath, waiting, for the cruelest amount of time, which of course, is the unknown end. No amount of press and data can tell us when we will once again open our doors and greet one another maskless. The whole world is turning purple from the effort of keeping it all in,Read more
Self-isolation has made me sharper, like the cactus we pass on our walk. Every day the same sidewalks, the same pace, as if we can outdistance the stress. My husband is quiet as I snap at the toddler- he knows why I’m sharp. He can see the stress gnawing at the ends of my rope.Read more
Trite as though it may be, I have learned that mourning the death of a patient is much like allowing yourself to be still while a tide washes over you.
Sometimes I’ll come home, sore and worn with a heart that is so heavy I swear I can feel it in my chest, and I cry and cry until all the grief has been poured out of me like a spilled drink.
Other times I will be driving and a song comes on, or I will see someone or hear, read, or see something and a memory will overcome me suddenly, leaving me gasping for air.
Two parenting events have really stood out in my mind as completely changing the entirety of who I am. One of them was breastfeeding, may it rest in peace, and the other happened this week. Potty training. (to be read in a spooky Halloween voice) I would be lying to you if I toldRead more
Because here’s what I realized about breastmilk. It’s amazing, it’s perfectly formulated for a baby and miraculously produced by a woman’s body, but it’s not the answer to every question. It’s not the solution to every problem.
I used to hear this reading and find Martha underappreciated. I saw myself in her, as the misunderstood person who was just trying to keep everyone afloat, who had every right to be stressed. Through my anxiety lens, taking on more than you can handle is normal Holding others to the same impossible standard you give yourself is expected. Festering bitterness is justified.
And then after a time, you give up on the pew altogether. You shuffle in late, straight for the cry room, embarrassed that you can’t make it on time with your ONE child, while the Abraham family managed to be on time with their 7 well-behaved kids. Show-offs.
Deep breath. Cold water washes over my lap-swimming bathing suit as I plunge into the pool gym. This bathing suit used to fit well, but two pregnancy’s in and it’s starting to pull and tug in ways I don’t love. I’m at the stage of pregnancy when it still looks like I drink too muchRead more
I love a year and a half. I love the enthusiasm that comes with the development of language, I love the strengthening of our bond because he can decide between oranges and blueberries, and confidence it gives him when I understand him. I never want to forget how he emphatically says “YEAH!” to every questionRead more